Unspoken
by emberin
Summary: Tellius, pre-RD. Some things are best left unsaid. Others we wish we had said. The worst thing, though, is when you want to say something and you don't know how. A broken Ike/Elincia.


Unspoken

A Fire Emblem: Path of Radiance Fanfiction

DISCLAIMER: Fire Emblem and its characters belong to Nintendo and Intelligent Systems.

* * *

"I address Your Majesty, Queen Elincia Ridell Crimea."

That was how it began.

Or perhaps not. You were well aware of what I wanted to do from the very beginning, which would mean that that was not the beginning at all. You tried to stop me desperately, I remember. But you could not sway me. No, not even you.

Maybe it began when you granted me lordship. Taking my sword, you tapped me on my two shoulders and my head, slowly, as though you were uncertain. The sword wobbled in your hands; I remember thinking that it might have been unwieldy for you. But the deed was done in a matter of moments, and I had felt no different.

So then why did everything change?

* * *

Nothing would have happened if I had not found you on Capital Way, hiding, weak, but alive. Daein soldiers were strewn around you, but you were miraculously still there. Had I not seen you that day… I can't possibly fathom what might have become of us if we had not met. But Rhys saw you behind a bush, and we took you back with us.

The next day, Mist came to my father and me, after you woke. You thanked my father, but he told you to thank me. I remember when you first turned your eyes to me, expressing your gratefulness. You looked at me with such sincere emotion on your face, I knew I had to believe your following words.

And then things began to happen.

You were not there that fateful day, but you had heard of my father's fate. You didn't want to open up my still healing wounds by asking about it. But you said that you were sorry for making me suffer for your sake, and I simply replied that we were mercenaries, and we had a contract to fulfill. By saying that, I dedicated myself to that conviction. I was ready to give up what was necessary for the cause.

Daein continued to chase you, through Gallia and over the sea. You begged the apostle of Begnion for her country's aid, but the senators merely humiliated you completely and utterly. Yet you did not become angry. Their sniping remarks stung like the pain of a wound, but you just stood there and did not retaliate. I didn't understand why you just took those insults, so I stood up for you. I remember that Sanaki only laughed and asked whether she could make use of me. You agreed, but you had a reluctant tone in your voice and a strange feeling behind your eyes, something I did not understand then.

After that, everything seemed different.

You didn't want to make me a noble, because you understood me. But no, I was the one who accepted. You seemed uneasy, like you didn't want to make me go through with it. It was only later that I understood why; day after day, I would walk through the army, hearing whispers of the nobody who became their general. I convinced myself that this arrangement was for the better good, but inside, I felt horrible. _It wasn't something I chose to_ _do,_ I wanted to yell at them, but of course that wasn't true. I had given this up for you.

One day, you came to me in my tent, dressed in white armour with a sword at your side. I was surprised – I didn't know how I was supposed to react, but the first thing I thought of was how impressive you looked. You looked exposed, nervous, anxious to hear my opinion. I could only say I was shocked. And when you made your speech to the crowd, you were radiant. Majestic.

But I thought beyond that. I couldn't tell you, though, because I didn't understand it back then.

Together, we commanded the Crimean Liberation Army to victory. And together, we reclaimed your birthright, the throne of Crimea.

* * *

I remember the day I told everyone of my mercenary group that I couldn't stay with them any longer. Geoffrey and Lucia had come to escort me, though I had insisted I would have been fine on my own. Mist cried, hugging me like a sister would and hoping that I would return one day; Titania told me that she was only holding the position for me; Boyd only shook my hand, insisting that it was what a man would do; Shinon said, "Go have fun with your new friends and leave us, huh?" It was probably the best I could have gotten out of him.

You greeted me at the front gates of the castle, waving.

"Don't you have work to do or something?" I asked you.

"I felt I had to come and meet you personally," you said. "I know that you don't like this arrangement…" You trailed off, quietly, so unlike the confident queen you were to become.

"Well, don't lose sleep over it, Prin – I mean, Queen Elincia," I quickly corrected myself. For some reason, the word 'Queen' wouldn't sit properly on my tongue. You were just Elincia, and no one else. Titles were nothing to me; it was only the soul that mattered. I thought that as long as I held true to that ideal, I could deal with my problems to come.

Immediately, you threw me into the despair of noble life.

You attended every single throne meeting with me by your side, introducing me to all the nobles. Yes, they were nice, and they were ever so thankful for what I had done to save Crimea, but I could still feel the glances they cast me. _Commoner,_ they screamed. It was nothing more than a title, but it was all I was to them. You tried so hard for me, though, so hard that it was something I couldn't ignore.

You would stay up extremely late hours every night, desperately trying to finish off some paperwork or other. I could tell. When you greeted everyone in the day, your eyes would have a sullen, glazed look, and they would never come alive. Whatever happened to the you I knew was no more, but I wanted you to come back. To me.

And then I would realize how selfish of me it was, and stop.

But after Crimea had stabilized, I had been at the castle for a year. I knew I had to leave. My place was not there, and the both of us knew it. As the time before Crimea was safe trickled away, you had increasingly more private meetings with me. You knew that I couldn't stay, yet you tried everything to keep me there.

"Everyone looks up to you," you told me late one night. "They admire you. The people have strength because you are their symbol of hope."

"No, that's your job," I answered. The luxury of your quarters was stifling. "We've been over this before. I hate nobility. I can't stay here if my feelings for this won't go away."

You sighed with that dejected look on your face, the one I saw after many attempts to turn me from my path. I was resolved, however. You were getting so stressed over me, yet there was nothing I could do to console you – anything out of my mouth would have been a lie. Again, you knew me. You knew that I would not be chained to the ground when I was weighing you down from the majestic position a queen should hold.

One day, one fateful day, one ordinary day, just a day – the time came.

* * *

You looked at me from the throne on which you sat on, in all your queenly glory, but you had a sad, wandering, lost look on your face. I didn't understand, like so much my former self did not, but I pressed on. I waited for your acknowledgement.

"My lord general," you said in response.

Between you and me, we both knew what my following words would be.

"I wish to resign my lordship and my position as general of the Crimean army."

Within the court, there was an immediate rush of hubbub, which quickly subsided as you captured the court's attention.

"… I will consider your resignation. Until I have reached my final decision, you will still be Crimea's general." You spoke with a finite tone, and for a few moments there was silence. The eyes of the court looked at me, as I stood in front of you like I was confronting you. Then, the lords and ladies began to break off into groups and talk again.

Geoffrey and Lucia approached me – Lucia looking angry, Geoffrey confused.

"What are you trying to do, make an uproar within court?" Lucia began.

"It seems I've done that since the moment I got here," I shot back. Surely they saw how I was faring here. I had given up what was necessary for your cause, but I had grown weak with despair from being in court. If you asked me to kill an enemy soldier for you, I would do so without hesitation. But I could not continue to live this life, this _lie_ to my soul.

"But surely you see what you do for our queen," Geoffrey said. "Your presence in court gives her confidence."

"She has you two for that," I answered. "The court looks down on their general. I'm no noble – I don't belong here." I don't know why I felt so angry at Geoffrey wanting me to stay. It was like he was mocking me and my relationship to you. Just because he had known you since you were young… this feeling, it was like jealousy and hatred, though not really either. Confusion.

"If you know that the court doesn't like you for being a commoner, imagine what would happen when you leave nobility. They'll feel insulted that the boy who rises up to get everything just wants to give it away. Don't take your position for granted." Lucia sighed. "You're making way too many enemies for yourself."

"Then let them be that way. I don't care."

"But are you sure you don't have the slightest idea what you mean to – "

I never heard what Geoffrey wanted to say, because at that instant you walked up to us. You were anxious and fatigued, but still tried to put up your best smile for us. I felt, for the shortest amount of time, a feeling of guilt and betrayal; those feelings were quickly washed from within me.

"Am I interrupting something?" you asked, a trace of hesitancy in your words. "I'll just leave you three on your own, then."

"No, no, Your Majesty. Is there something you wanted?" Geoffrey said, regaining his composure.

"Can I speak to all three of you individually in my quarters tonight?"

"Of course, Your Majesty," Lucia responded dutifully. "I have some things to attend to. Excuse me." She moved past me, leaving me, you and Geoffrey to stand there. It left me to question whether she had done this on purpose, for either you or her brother, but it also left me uneasy. Deciding that it was not my place, I excused myself.

* * *

That night, I sat in my room, awaiting my call to see you. After all, no one enters someone else's room without permission. I didn't need to be a noble to know _that._

A knock rang on my door.

"Come in," I called.

Geoffrey entered. The blue-haired paladin looked around for me for a few moments, finally catching my gaze. I suddenly wondered just what you could have possibly said to him, and felt slightly incensed at the thought.

"Her Majesty wants to see you," he said briskly. In a darker tone, he added, "If you do anything to harm Elincia, I will come after you myself, general or not." Glaring at me for a few moments longer to make sure I understood, he turned around and left as quickly as he had come. Geoffrey was usually courteous, a bit serious, but always courteous, so that abrupt threat was slightly shocking. He had always been protective of you, but I didn't know what prompted him to be so harsh.

I felt apprehensive as my hand rested on the handle of the door to your quarters. I don't know why I was so nervous about this one meeting; you had requested many meetings before this one. But this time felt so different, because I knew that this would be the last time. The door swung open under my touch, and I stepped inside.

The sight was familiar – ornate, excessive, completely not my taste, but familiar. The two chairs we usually sat in were there, but you weren't in one yet. You were standing, waiting for me.

You were in a dress, not your usual stately dress, but a simple white one, your emerald hair settling gently around your shoulders. I struggled with my emotions, not because I didn't know how to express them, but because I couldn't pin them down. Nobility, Geoffrey, you… you held the key to something deep inside of me, but it was like I misplaced the lock.

"My lord," you said softly, carefully, as though you walked a thin line when it came to talking to me.

"Elincia, please. No titles."

"O-of course," was your answer.

We both sat down, the queen and her champion, but we weren't very close. The chairs were perhaps a foot apart, but my mind was playing a game of illusions with me. You had something to say; however, not a word passed our lips for a long time.

"Must you really leave?" Your question became inevitable.

"Yes." So did my answer.

"Is it truly hard to stay here?"

"For someone who didn't grow up in court, I thought you would understand. I'm like a caged bird. How can you stand being in such a place?"

"Well, I don't really think I have a right to leave."

That shocked me. "Why not?"

"My parents gave up their lives to save me in the hopes that I would rule Crimea should my uncle die. Lucia, Geoffrey, Bastian, you… all of you risked your lives to put me on this throne. Now that I am queen, I can't just simply give up the title – besides, who would it go to? I have to shoulder this burden." Your words were so simple, so true, but it was that truth that saddened me.

"Elincia… have you ever thought for yourself?"

You stared at me for a while, like you couldn't process the thought. "I guess I have, but I always tried to do things for the better good."

"Like ruling Crimea?"

"I-I guess. I grew up free, but was taught to be completely selfless. Like a queen should be."

You slid out of your chair and walked a few steps to me. I looked up at your face, which was full of emotion.

In that chronological location, it was as though everything vanished, and all that was left was the two of us. You took my hand into both of yours, holding it to your chest like you were invoking a prayer. You took a deep breath, something akin to what you would do when you were about to make a speech. But you couldn't get the words. You continued to desperately try, as the world around us began to return.

"It's okay. I'm the only one here. No one's going to care about what you say to me now." I stood up and brought us closer together. You wanted to let go at first, but you bowed your head and whispered into my hand.

"For all the selflessness I try to have, I have a selfish desire. For all the majesty I try to have, I have a wish that is plain. For all the mercy I try to give, I have a cruel, unforgiving want. Against the better good, for you, me or Crimea… my selfish, plain, cruel wish, my lord – " a strangled sob escaped your restraint, " – is for you to stay by my side."

You didn't look up, like you dared not to, or that you were scared. I drew your hands closer to me, placing my other hand on top of yours. In shock, you raised your head, your eyes pleading. To see you so revealed, so exposed, so unlike that detached figure yet willing to say what you really felt… it was not admiration, not quite, but another feeling that I felt. You were so pure in that sense. You gave up your own desires so much that you believed wanting something of your own was bad. I wanted to make you smile.

But I couldn't. My soul was torn between freedom and guilt; how could I make a choice? My resolve pulled at me, reminding me that staying here meant leaving my sister, but this newfound shame told me leaving would betray my queen. In the end, I took the easy way out. I slipped my hands out from yours and went down on one knee, the knight's position. Reaching over my shoulder, I removed my blue general's cape and laid it at your feet, placing my blade on top.

"I'm sorry," I started. "Sorry… can't possibly atone for leaving you. I have all these feelings, but I can't find the right words. I know you want me to stay, but I believe that as a mercenary there is so much more for the people that I can do. I know that I'm in no place to ask you to forgive me, and you have no need to…" I trailed off.

"No, please, don't say that."

"Elincia?"

"I know you didn't want to come to the castle, but you did it for me. You've always done so much for me. How could I even be angry at you?" Still, you sounded weary, and I felt horrible for accepting your graciousness. Your words were sincere, but it hurt to hear them. You were so strong, so brave. You were helping me cut loose, even when it hurt you.

"Only as much as you've ever done for me," I answered. "You owe me nothing."

"Even so, all this time I convinced myself that you staying here was good for everyone." You looked ashamed. "I've been selfish. It's not a queen's place."

"But what of you, then?" I asked, still unsure from that compelling shame in my heart. "I know you're not happy. Why do you insist on making this hard for yourself?"

"Do you remember what I said to you when you first led me out to my people?" you asked me. When I shook my head, you said, "I said that I was… truly blessed… to have met you." You reached down and held my hand in a request for me to stand. "I still think that's true. And I won't have any regrets about my decision."

The silence begged for something more to happen as we stood there, the distance between us the same, yet different. Our feelings – it was like something had connected both of our minds together, and we both sensed the temptation, of something only perceivable in that one moment.

Then you turned away hastily, like you wanted to avoid that temptation, and picked up my sword, handing it to me.

"I imagine you'll need this wherever you may be going," you said. "Very well. If you could please kneel?" I went down on one knee again, but this time for a different purpose. "By the powers vested in me as Queen Crimea, I hereby release you of your duties as lord and general of Crimea. You may rise." You should not have released me without the court represented in appearance, but you did it for me so that I would not have to suffer the prying eyes.

Like when you first made me a lord, it was over in a matter of moments, and I felt no different. But this time, you were sure, certain and confident in your choice. As I stood, our eyes met one last time, and even your gaze was firm. However, it softened up for a small while, before I turned to the door. My hand was on the handle when you blurted, "Will I… ever see you again?"

I didn't want to make such a promise to you, as I feared that I wouldn't be able to keep to my word. Suddenly, on an indescribable impulse, I said, "… of course, Your Majesty. I have no doubt that we will meet again." I didn't know what prompted that fragile promise.

You knew, though, that as mercenaries we were never bound to any one country, only employers. Yet you smiled.

"Then I won't say goodbye just yet," you replied positively. "Until then, I will only say 'see you again'." I nodded brusquely, in an attempt to let go of everything holding me in that place, and opened the door.

I closed the door behind me as I stepped out. I didn't look back.

The moment I left, all the feelings in me threatened to turn loose, to run wild. My naiveté had left me, exposing me to the raw emotion of a man. Everything that I had suppressed was banging on my frame, wanting to burst out from within me. The fact that I had all these senses that were so primitive, so uncontrolled… impulse would have normally embraced this newfound freedom, but it was only now, after so long, that I understood what those feelings I had felt, and that you had felt, were.

And it hurt.

How ironic, then, that it wasn't until that I had severed all ties I had to that castle that I realized that the only tie that existed was you.

* * *

A departure from the usual styles I write, so I hoped it turned out all right. I'm kind of nervous, seeing as this is also my first Fire Emblem work and it's a story like this, no less. I think the thing that scares me the most is characterization – I wish I had a better grip on things like that. As well, some of the events in the game might have been warped slightly because my memory isn't the best. (EDIT: I realized that some events were wrong, so I went and changed them. Hope that doesn't alter too much.)

-EmbeRin


End file.
